"I didn’t consider myself his carer initially as he didn’t need any caring! His first words to me after the diagnosis were, “You don’t need this”.
Of course, I reassured him we were in this, whatever that may be, together… But how was I to know that his journey was going to be difficult and fraught at times for me.
Feeling ‘guilty’ as a partner, friend, supporter, carer of someone with cancer, seems ridiculous, but you do feel guilty - you’re ok, they’re the ones who have the battle ahead.
I didn’t convey my concerns to him, I was more concerned about his feelings. They were far more important. He had to have the drugs, suffer the side effects, the operations, needles and blood tests (he hated those).
Feeling the need to support him, I kept our life as normal as possible – social events, seeing family, holidays etc and I continued to work.
What I hadn’t expected was my husband’s change, not only physically, but mentally. He wouldn’t talk about his feelings and his personality changed overtime. It became harder for me to cope, so I reduced my hours at work and consulted my GP, who suggested I contact the Butterfly Centre at Epsom Hospital where Theresa offered an hour of her time to listen to me. I felt so much better afterwards and she told me about the massage or reflexology I could have there, as well as my husband. She reminded me I needed to keep well if I wanted to be able to look after him.